PART I.

As some of you know I recently had surgery, and have been out of the office for a few weeks.  It has been a challenging journey of ups and downs, surrendering to being human, and learning about my needs from the literal inside out. I debated including any part of this journey in the email, but trusting in my heart that what I consciously learn during times like these will help others I've decided to share.  To be open to the ups and downs of being human and the self-forgiveness of imperfection along the way will hopefully touch someone else just as each of your generosity of sharing in the office does for me.

So, before I talk about now, let me side bar and say, for those of you who don’t already know I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease in 1999 after an emergency bowel resection that happened after my colon ruptured.  Yup, ruptured.  Leaving me paralyzed from the sepsis in my body until skilled surgeons were able to clean up the mess of years of undiagnosed symptoms and pain.

During the month that I was in the hospital with complication after complication I had one of my most spiritual experiences that has led me to where I am today.  At that point in life I can humbly say that I was on, to say it lightly, not such a great path.  While I knew that I wanted to be a Massage Therapist, my life was definitely more on the path of drowning my emotions and numbing my experiences than opening my heart and consciously exploring the true experience of joy that this life has to offer.  And, it was during this 30 days that everything first changed.  I have the conscious memory of choosing to live.  I knew with every fiber in my being that if I decided that I wanted to be done with this life that that was certainly an option.  Luckily for me “something” gave me a glimpse of two other options, and needless to say I chose the more positive of the two that included opening this very center, and all of the joy and ease of life that I could open to.  This being the reason why I share this part of the story with you.  Often I am asked about the fact that I opened PCCHH at only 26, and this story is the raw, real, unedited truth.  I had such a fuel, a gift of knowing from within what I wanted to do with this life, and I thank you all for helping me come so far.

Fast forward to about a month ago, after 13 year of being in un-medicated remission from crohn’s disease thanks to complementary medicine and lifestyle changes (except for during the stress of planning my wedding 2 years ago. See what do I always say about stress ;-) ) I found out that I once again needed to have a bowel resection.  Ugh. Thankfully this time it was not an emergency, but could be looked at as more of preventative medicine.  Despite this, and despite the fact that I had gone almost 3 times as long without needing another surgery of this sort, my life felt like it turned upside down.  While I tried to stay positive I can admit that I had much of my own self-work to do over the past month of re-examining life and what it is to be human.  Seeing first hand once again the intricate balance of the body, mind connection as well as the physical limitations of the body that exist and need to be honored.  The self-forgiveness of imperfection and the inability to control all things…Crap, here I go I think to myself, another layer of the onion of spiritual growth that is life.  Normally I look at “onion like” opportunities with gratitude, but not always this time.  This time it had it’s fair amount of fear and drama tightly wound up, boarding up the walls of my heart.  Well, thank god that shifted.  It was actually more like an ocean tide, powerful in the way that it would ebb and flow.  Even as I write this now, I can feel the powerful enthusiasm that is my spirit moving from inside, and yet the fatigue from a month of little to no food guiding me to rest.  (Don’t worry, at this moment I did just that and came back to my writing later. I am learning like I said from the inside out, the patience and natural flow that I need right now.)

So, sitting back, reflecting on this most recent experience…It has been a time of patience.  Those who know me have said that I look at the term Wait as a 4 letter word.  Maybe it is from growing up in our age of technology and instant gratification, or maybe it comes from passion, but either way the sitting still is something that I can work on.  No matter what though I am trusting.  Trusting that this will lead to something else, as things always tend to do.